Thursday, March 16, 2017

What am I doing wrong?

Ok this is totally me just needing to vent and write out how I feel in this stage of life. I have 3 kids 4 and under and life can get a bit crazy sometimes but I think I try to convince myself that I'm not stressed out about it cause I really don't feel like I am-when I think of stress I think of the pressure of trying to get things done that's too hard and you feel like you can't do it..which now that I write that out maybe that's really exactly what my life is still right now ha! Oh boy.

I seriously don't know how these other moms do it as far as running a business, or selling something, or having a hobby or craft they do, etc...I can barely keep up on cleaning my house, doing the laundry, feeding my kids, etc. I do try to get out with my kids frequently because that's what's keeps us sane but how do these other moms have time for something other then just taking care of their kids and house? I can barely keep up with it...or I should say I don't ever feel completely caught up because any alone time I do have I'm pretty exhausted and just need to relax instead of getting to that list if stuff I should do--but ya gotta find balance..and I guess I haven't quite found the right balance yet.

I totally want to live more minimalistic so that I'm not overwhelmed with "stuff" but I find it really hard to get rid of stuff when I have 3 kids (and future ones...I question that more and more actually though) that I can still use the stuff for. I'm really not trying to compare too much I really just don't know how other moms have time for other things-what am I doing wrong? Or what should I do differently? I really have no desire to do much more I just want to feel like I am keeping up with what I have to do-I've had plenty of people want me to start selling things or whatever cause I feel like that's what just about every other person does these days but I have zero desire to sell something but I don't know where moms find the time to...are their kids being played with? Is there house clean? Something has to give right? Every time I finally feel like I'm caught up on laundry and the house is somewhat clean then something happens to cause me to get behind on it again. I try to get caught up just so I can get to more of the thing that need organizing or throwing out but when I put the kids to bed at night I'm pretty done myself and that's really the only alone time I get and some days I'm lucky to be able to get things done with my kids awake and other days I'm just cleaning up one mess then another and breaking up one fight then another.

Maybe this "stress" that I'm denying is what's causing me not to lose weight-cause that's another thing I question what am I doing wrong? I exercise about 5 times a week and I feel like (and others tell me) I eat pretty healthy at least comparable to most people and I still can't lose weight but isn't that another "mom problem" ha ha just those things that you try not to care about too much but you can't help but have them bother you--I'm talking like having a clean house and losing weight. Ha! Then I try to tell myself that I should try to focus on things that are more important in the big picture-and that's where I hope to improve. I wish I had more time to know what..I don't even know what I want?-I am happy with what I do. I want to be a mom and I wouldn't change it. I just don't want to be an overwhelmed mom. I want to be feel like I can enjoy life with my husband and kids and not feel overwhelmed with just keeping up. That is what I'm striving for right now. And even though I have a house to clean and loads of laundry (sheets/clothes with throw up on them from last night) that I need to do right now I felt like I needed to talk myself through this in hopes to help find an answer or solution. Or that I could look back at this in years from now and probably wish these were my only problems still.

To be honest what it comes down to is I need to be better about choosing wisely how to spend my time-the talk by Dallin H Oaks titled Good Better Best. I might be spending my time doing good things and I can justify by saying this isn't bad. Or I could use some self discipline and be doing the better things! The "natural man" will always want to do the easier "good" thing if not the wrong thing all together. And that is one challenge I am having right now-making sure I can be more productive if I don't spend as much time on just the " good" stuff but focus on the better stuff. I believe I can be happier then (and not as overwhelmed)-because isn't that what we ultimately want is to find joy in this life. And Satan will deceive it even in the "good" things.

No comments:

Post a Comment