Commit to "Try a little harder to be a little better"

Its funny how the same thing seems to be coming up in my mind and I feel like I need to write it down maybe to help me recommit each time I have these feelings...or promptings might be a better word. I was listening to "The Scripture Study Project" podcast and such a strong feeling of how I am spending my time each day came up again. Since moving I of course have been so busy with just trying to stay on top of things with the house and the kids plus all the unpacking that I don't have much time to just relax or do anything without thinking and knowing of all the things I do need to get done. I think about how I can better spend my time with my kids and how I can better spend my time with studying the scriptures and words of the prophets because I know those are the two most important things right now. Trying to balance just those two things with the household chores and responsibilities is hard with trying to make sure I am not wasting my time on things I just want to do with sitting down and relaxing-specifically with social media stuff. I have a hard time because I do get so many good things out of social media that I enjoy and make me a better person so I don't feel like I need to completely cut that out but I also constantly question with the talk "good better best" coming to mind. Yes those things I am looking at or reading are good and theres nothing bad about it but is there better things to be doing?..But of course you could say yeah you could be reading your scriptures all day or any relaxing moment because thats the "better" thing to be doing. I don't believe that is realistic as well but I do have to catch myself and make sure I have at least read that and spent that time that day studying. Its such a hard phase of life constantly being needed by my kids that when I do have some alone time or time that I can just sit there for a few moment that quick easy thing I enjoy doing is to hop on social media. I don't feel like I have a problem with it by any means but I can admit I can find better ways to spend my time still-so I definitely have room for improvement.

Anyways back to some thoughts on the podcast-so they were talking about how Jesus Christ already paid the price for us to make it back to Heaven but we need to be born again. Meaning He has the power that He could do all the work for us but He specifically knew that we needed to put in some work and be tested to see what we would do. And it got me thinking about how yes I am not doing anything really "sinful" by any means but you can't just be good to make it to Heaven you need to be born again having a true conversion yourself. You can just sit back and "be good" if thats all you want out of life. Honestly its not that hard to be good at this point in my life. But it can be much harder to choose the not so easy choice of just coasting through life. I need to really start applying myself and choosing each day how much I want to grow spiritually. I have to choose how much I want to change. I need to act and not just be acted upon. (I learned that in an institute class and it really stood out to me cause I have always been one that would rather be acted upon because it is the easier route) I would like to try to recommit to "try a little harder to be a little better". And thats really all that matters that we are trying each day to be a little better. With the new church curriculum it is reminding parents that is it our job and duty to teach our children and it really has help to remind me that I need to be spending more time studying and teaching my children as much as that is the harder thing to do sometimes but I am grateful for the push that the church is giving us. So many "changes" President Nelson has been helping us do our duties better! Basically the recurring theme that I keep being reminded of is that its your choice of how much you want out of this life. You choose how much you grow and learn. You choose how converted you truly are. You choose every day to become a better person or sit back and let the days pass you by being that good person you are. Everyone has the potential to do more and be greater but its our choice of what we want to do that can make the difference. Sounded like I'm trying to write a motivational speech I feel like now ha! One thing I would like to work on right now is with that alone time I have at night once I put the kids to bed it is soon much easier to choose to relax and sit in bed on my phone and find myself staying up too late..most the time I am not necessarily wasting my time because I am doing beneficial things but I need to limit that time I do it and I am now wanting to commit to scripture study time (I hope with Jesse) from 9-9:30 every night (or around then). That will hopefully give me an hour from 8-9 to finish cleaning up or doing what I need/want to do after I put the kids to bed. Baby steps of becoming better and thats somewhere for me to start right now..and hopefully I can add more soon. The more selfless I become the better I will spend my time.

Big Move

I am going to try to write the quick story to get us up to speed of where life is at right now. When we move down to Las Vegas Jesse said to me to expect to live there for about 3-5 years. At the time Corbin was about 21 months old and I was 7 months or so pregnant with Gavin. I was the most sad about leaving family and moving away but knowing we can sacrifice these years and see what the future olds for us. I was optimistic about moving but of course had the hopes of moving back to family. A year or two of being there is when I realized there could be a possibility of us moving somewhere else instead of back to Utah-different areas and state got brought up but nothing ever really serious just possible opportunities of job openings that could happen in the future. Jesse at one point even thought of just finding a completely different job and looking at other possibilities but those thoughts didn't last for too long-He went to the temple one time with the questions in his mind of what to do and got the answer of basically tough it out and stay. He shortly after got called into the Bishopric and he felt like that was a little confirmation to his answer he got as well. At a different later time when he was questioning again what should we do as a family he got the same answer of stay there and actually got put back into a new bishopric. Funny how God answers prayers some times. 

Anyways the last few months the possibility of moving got brought up again and it was kind of one of those things where I just had to keep living life like we weren't because of all the other times I worried and started researching for no reason because nothing happen from it. Well we found out the week before Christmas that Jesse could have the job of managing 5 stores but we would be moving to Portland then. Jesse immediately felt good about it and was excited for the position and opportunity. I was in denial and didn't really let it sink in but also in a panic questioning is this really happening...because if it was it was going to happen quickly. I had no reason to question Jesse in this new position because I overall knew it seemed right but I did make sure he knew it was the right choice for our family because the big change of moving for me and the kids is a lot more overall for us then for him. I questioned if he would enjoy the job, if the pay really made a difference, if the hours and time with us would change, how life would be there for us as a family, schooling, being further away from family. So many things race through my head of course but still I had an overall feeling of this is the right choice.

Jesse had his last day of work in Las Vegas the week before Christmas and then we drove up to Utah and enjoyed the holidays with Family not thinking too much about the move. Jesse started his new position as of Jan 1 and he started flying to work and staying in a hotel and flying back home on the weekends. I started to slowly pack up the house. I felt like there was so many last minute things I wanted to try to do in Vegas before we moved because I felt like I didn't want to regret not doing things we could have. We were able to do a few things but not every thing I would have hoped for because all my kids got sick!

(So I got distracted with kids and never finished writing this-surprise! but thought I would try to quickly finish)

I surprise myself with how I overall didn't feel completely overwhelmed packing up the house kinda of by myself since Jesse was away working most the time-he was very helpful when he was home but I wanted to spend quality family time together doing things and not just packing with our time together. I feel overall very blessed that I was at an emotionally and mentally good state. I had so many people from the ward offer to help with watching my kids, bringing me boxes and food, and just being there for support. The week of moving of course was a bit crazy. Trying to finish packing up all that stuff that takes a lot longer than you think, me having a hard time letting things go and just getting rid of it, and wanting to spend more time with friends before we move. Moving day I had Courtney and Roxana come over to help as well as Aunt Nancy-she was so sweet to help us out and even bad goodie bags for the kids for the long hours of driving in the car-so grateful for her help! The day of moving and packing up the truck is of course stressful and emotional. As we were packing it up we realized not everything was going to fit so we either had to get rid of stuff or the other option was to pay more money and have our additional stuff in other truck which is what we ended up having to do because there was too much stuff left to just get rid of. (A family of 6 the stuff you have can definitely add up and I wish I could minimize a little better...I say once I am done having babies I can at least get rid of all those boxes of baby clothes that add of for each gender)

It took longer than we thought to pack up the trailer and get ready to drive ourselves-the plan was to leave early afternoon and drive around 6 hours--we had a 16 or so hour drive ahead of us. We didn't end up leaving until around 5ish and so we changed our plans and only drove a few hours that Thursday night. Friday we planned on driving all day and we basically were driving in the middle of no where up through Nevada and then Oregon. Friday night got a little crazy as we were literally in the middle of no where pitch black in a snowstorm! Lets just say I got a little tense driving and we had to drive quite slow in order to know we were staying on the roads and wouldn't slide off in the crazy snowy weather. We finally made it to our hotel much later than we thought but thankfully we made it there safely. The plan was to drive those few last hours Saturday morning and meet the moving truck by Saturday afternoon. 

We started driving up a mountain Saturday morning and within 20 minutes it had snowed a good 3-4 inches-the weather was crazy. With Jesse driving his car we knew it wasn't the smartest idea to try to drive where we had no idea how the roads would be and we didn't feel safe. We turned back around and drove back to the hotel and sat there not exactly knowing what to do. I called the moving truck and had to let them know I didn't think we would be making it in time and they actually gladly rescheduled to meet the next morning. We knew we could take it slowly at that point and mapped out a different route we thought would be safer and knew eventually we would get there...and of course we did. We stayed an extra night in a hotel which probably ended up being better to be refreshed and really to unpack all of our things with the movers. Jesse and I both agreed we hope to not have to make that 20 hour drive with 4 kids and 2 cars in the crazy snowstorm again but it was quite the adventure and overall the kids did well-which I think having them be 2 and 2 in each car helped. I am grateful that Caden as a baby did overall well too or else that would have been more stressful having a screaming crying baby while driving.

I can't explain exactly how I feel about this move here but I just know it was the right thing as much as it is hard to move away from my friends and have this big change I just feel like good things are to come of it and I am grateful to know that even though I don't really know whats instore for us here. I feel sad to be further away from family but again I feel optimistic about this move and I feel like we will enjoy it here. I have always felt like I am pretty easy going and could probably be happy anywhere but my biggest worry moving to Washington is that everyone warned me about the rainy and gloomy skies. I didn't realize that I can suffer from a little seasonal depression until I moved to Vegas and realized how nice it is to have the sun all winter ( I think I will miss those mild winters there). The first week we were here it rained every day and we didn't really see anyone out-Corbin even mentioned how sad it seemed here because of the gloomy wet and no people around can really make you feel that way.

Jesse's mom, Jodie, was able to come out and help the week we moved here and I am so glad and grateful she did! It helped to get those essential things unpacked and feel like you could function somewhat normally. I was also able to go out and run some errands and buy a few things for our new house which can be quite difficult with kids. Having her help entertain the kids and doing the dishes was just what I needed to help make this transition smoother. 

The first time we went to Church it was a little discouraging because it looked like our ward was an "older" ward and it made me question if there were many in my phase of life to possibly make friends with. Now we have been 3 times and I am feeling better about it. I also feel like I am in a phase of life where I am busier and don't need to get out as much as I used to with young kids. We also hadn't seen anyone in our neighborhood so I was beginning to question if this was going to be rough for my kids not to have friends around either...and that has changed now too. Our next door neighbors, The Frost, have two little girls 7 and 5 that have come over and played and the kids love to play with each other! 

Jesse has been busy with work which is to be expected with starting a new position. I thought we would have a little more time as a family as far as him getting home a little earlier and being home on Saturdays which was a big perk to this new job and I believe once things get more settled we will and we can bond more as a family and that is something I am really looking forward to!

Things overall have gone very smoothly and I feel like we will enjoy it here especially as the weather warms up and we are able to get out and explore. This past week we were able to check out two trails by our house and we enjoy the outdoors together. I started the boys in baseball and I believe that will keep us really busy as well between that and soccer I might be crazy for signing them up for both but we will stay busy till summer! Thats not to say that we won't miss vegas and our friends but I am trying to stay positive and optimistic and choose to be happy here and what it has to offer! I am excited for what is in store here in Washington for us.