Lack of sleep can really make me spiral down hill quickly into getting discouraged with things in life. Caden was not sleeping good these past two weeks (and nearly 4 months now of being woken up multiple times a night can really add up) but wow it can really make a huge difference for me when I don't get enough sleep. He hasn't been going more than 2-3 hours between feedings and he was waking up between 2-3AM and was awake for around an hour and wouldn't go back to sleep and then waking up around 5:30ish kinda like he was up for the day and wouldn't go back down then my other kids were awake almost always before 6:30. I can handle him waking up and me basically sleeping while feeding him but that wasn't happening. I questioned if it was a growth spurt because he would be gulping down each feeding and not falling asleep so I knew it wasn't for just comfort but I was getting a bit frustrated out of exhaustion knowing he should be able to go a little longer...seems to be a trend with each one of my kids though. I also decided when school was starting that I wanted to get into a better routine of eating a little better and starting to exercise more consistency since summer and traveling can make that a bit harder to stay consistent at. The combination at the wrong time just got the best of me and I was completely fatigued. I start to question everything I do and if its good or right or what I need to change when really sometimes its just slowing down and doing nothing for a day or two. And thats what I did and thankfully Caden has slept a little better and I was able to rest and am feeling better and not as discouraged. (And I need to remember to not over do it even though I think my body should and can handle things) But I also believe that is how we are humbled into things that do need to be changed and having priorities in the right place.
I definitely feel like I am being tested hard with how I react and am treating my kids. I loved that I was able to listen to someone who specializes is parenting I guess you can say (someone sharing things in instagram) but the things she was saying I felt like helped me understand that my children's misbehaviors usually come down to how I am parenting and something I can change. Not to put all the blame on them or all the blame on the parent but its never just their fault because they are still learning how to control their emotions and needs/wants and learning how to communicate and express themselves even though we expect them to be on a higher or adult like level. Usually when they are acting up its because they need more of our attention and thats of course something most people know but that can be really difficult and challenging when your exhausted and haven't been able to take care of yourself to be a good parent. I kept thinking over and over how we are suppose to model the behavior for them and I of course was not modeling good behavior when I am so tired and don't want to deal with anything in life-and as much as I can say this its still hard for me to apply it- but that is when I just need to tell myself to not care if we have a little more screen time or down time when those are the things that I usually feel guilty about but its better to do those things then to hinder my relationship with my kids when I'm acting mad or impatient and MY behavior needs to change. Corbin even told me "Mom I think we both need to work on patience!" he was referring to when I expected them to do exactly what I said when I said it because I was done waiting and only cared about when I could just have a break. (come brush your teeth right this very second and not wait for you to go put a toy in your room)
Sometimes its hard for me to break the cycle of being exhausted and upset with how my kids are behaving but it usually has to start with me in order for something to change. Yes my kids complain and whine often and over things that I believe most kids should not be complaint and whining over. (picking up after themselves, getting dressed, listening to me and following what I tell them to do...ok well when I write it out that is very typical of things that most kids are struggling with) Its definitely a trigger for me to get upset easily when I hear them whining--like a lot of parents. I saw a meme or something that was saying something along the lines of "young parents thinking they have it hard but just wait till the kids are older" and its probably so true as far as one day I will say dealing with whining and complaining is a lot better than dealing with teenage stuff or other trials that can happen with children. Its definitely a mental/emotional struggle that needs to be overcome to control the situation. I want my kids to know I love them and want what is best for them but sometimes I am so upset that I want them to just be in trouble which isn't the purpose I should be after-each choice they make can be a learning experience instead of a punishment I want followed through with. But gosh this parenting stuff can be hard...but I guess thats why once we are parents we always are so we have forever to work on these things...hopefully I can learn some of things sooner than later though. ;)
Sometimes I just need to remember to look at these little children I have and show them more love. I am glad I can be humbled to remember to treat them how I should and hopefully they can learn from my example and feel of my love for them (even when I am exhausted). I can't get too mad at a chubby cute baby!
