Oh man I think I am in denial that I am overwhelmed but at the same time I don't always feel like I am. I decided it came down to feeling overwhelmed with cleaning mostly. I just can't keep up with my children and the messes they make and cleaning up every meal. As far as my kids yes it can be overwhelming to meet their needs and hope they feel my love but it kinda goes back to trying to get things done so we aren't living in filth. I wrote this a few weeks ago (I believe in a text to my mom):
I never thought mootherhood would involve so much peeing and pooping I have to deal with and it’s no exaggeration when I say I have to deal with it between my 4 kids at least every hour of my waking life right now. Gavin is still having issues peeing in pants, Mikaela potty trained herself but it still brings a good amount of messing especially cause I’m dealing with her having diarrhea right now and no I have no idea why...is it something she ate? Is it a food allergy? Or is it just a bug we are dealing with since Corbin has diarrhea yesterday too? Who knows? The guessing game isn’t quite working here to solve it. Between bowel issues and my eczema that I randomly broke out with which is causing my severe itching but mostly at night (like weirdly I have been working up at the 12 o clock hour 3 nights in a row now itching like crazy) I honestly have no idea what is going on or if we need to stop eating something because of allergies or intolerances or whatever but I’m so sick of worrying about food and if we are eating healthy enough because I sure know we are eating way healthier than a lot of people so I really just want to call it a good balance and not deal with it...but our bodies might be telling us differently I guess? I don’t know?! 😬😬
Sounds a bit overwhelmed you would say. ha! But thankfully I am feeling pretty good right now emotionally. So I decided to start a gratitude journal and write down 10 things that bring me joy throughout the day. It's a great way to focus more on those things that make me happy than the puddle of pee I stepped into. I love in Uchtdorf's talk that I listen to titled "Grateful in Any Circumstances" he reminds us "All of His commandments are given to make blessings available to us. Commandments are opportunities to exercise our agency and to receive blessings. Our loving Heavenly Father knows that choosing to develop a spirit of gratitude will bring us true joy and great happiness. I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances--whatever they may be."
I am unable to change that my kids are making constant messes and that they fight and complain and whine and make moments in life not fun to be honest but I can't do anything about that really besides try to teach them the best I can but in the mean while I can either be miserable because lets me honest its not fun to be around kids that tell you how mean you are every day but there are plenty of moments in my life that I find joy and my kids do bring me so much joy in the midst of the chaos so I am hoping by trying to focus my thoughts on all the good things--and some days it will be hard to come up with 10 things because some days are really hard but I believe we can always find good in every day in little small moments. But the chaotic, stressful, overwhelming, frustrating times deserved to be documented too so bare with me if I sound like I am complaining sometimes its more just to know I made it through and look back and laugh at how things were! ;)
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