Busy? Distracted? How am I spending my time?..

I listen to a podcast about how we are all "so busy" which of course we know if not a good thing. We have so many things on our "to-do list" that we go to bed unsatisfied because we can never get them all done. I love how this person pointed out that we need to be making priority list instead which are based and made around what kind of person we want to become or what is truly important to us or what our ultimate goals are. All the other little things in our lives are keeping us busy and distracted from what we really need to become. I love how this played into General Conference for me this year and it came down to for me back to the talk about "good better best"-there are a lot of good things to be reading and doing and spending our time and it really isn't bad but there are so many other better things and especially the best things that we need to make sure we are doing. I think so many times I justify what I am spending my time doing because I know it is not a bad thing-studying nutrition and trying to figure out what we should eat..of course that is a smart good thing to do but when it was taking priority over scripture study and I was spending more time reading articles that just left me sometimes more confused than educated and satisfied..and I am speaking about this as in last week I was doing this. I went into Conference even hoping for an answer (and I haven't been able to listen to every talk yet so I can still receive answers to questions) but one of them was "what should I be eating?" because I feel like it consumes so much of my time lately and it really is not a good thing. I do believe we should care and think about it enough that we are taking care of our bodies but I don't think I can ever find the "right" answer because there are so many different opinions and research and studies that its always changing. Like I said, this isn't a bad thing to be reading and researching but if its taking away from things that are better to be doing than it is. The Prophet, President Nelson, challenged the women to do a 10 day fast off social media. He recently did this to the youth asking for a 7 day fast and I kinda did it but I didn't have my whole heart in it so I am trying to do much better this time. I must admit I didn't really want to and again I tried to justify saying its my way of journaling but ultimately decided I can still journal but post them after the 10 days are up then. It already hasn't been easy but it is my go to when I want to relax or when I am stressed but a few minutes here and there really do add up and I believe I was spending a lot more time on there wasting away my time. I also listen to a different podcast about how are brains really do want that high we get from that instant gratification or hearing that we got a text or a notification or a "like" but really it is not feeding our true joy-its like a drug thats just hitting the surface and we want more and more of it. She even liken it to gambling with being addictive and that put it in perspective a little more for me. Again so many good things can come from your phone with keeping in contact with people or reading and the convienence of it with how quick we are able to do some things but it also can take away from the moment you are trying to live in.

Grateful in all circumstances

Oh man I think I am in denial that I am overwhelmed but at the same time I don't always feel like I am. I decided it came down to feeling overwhelmed with cleaning mostly. I just can't keep up with my children and the messes they make and cleaning up every meal. As far as my kids yes it can be overwhelming to meet their needs and hope they feel my love but it kinda goes back to trying to get things done so we aren't living in filth. I wrote this a few weeks ago (I believe in a text to my mom): 

I never thought mootherhood would involve so much peeing and pooping I have to deal with and it’s no exaggeration when I say I have to deal with it between my 4 kids at least every hour of my waking life right now. Gavin is still having issues peeing in pants, Mikaela potty trained herself but it still brings a good amount of messing especially cause I’m dealing with her having diarrhea right now and no I have no idea why...is it something she ate? Is it a food allergy? Or is it just a bug we are dealing with since Corbin has diarrhea yesterday too? Who knows? The guessing game isn’t quite working here to solve it. Between bowel issues and my eczema that I randomly broke out with which is causing my severe itching but mostly at night (like weirdly I have been working up at the 12 o clock hour 3 nights in a row now itching like crazy) I honestly have no idea what is going on or if we need to stop eating something because of allergies or intolerances or whatever but I’m so sick of worrying about food and if we are eating healthy enough because I sure know we are eating way healthier than a lot of people so I really just want to call it a good balance and not deal with it...but our bodies might be telling us differently I guess? I don’t know?! 😬😬

Sounds a bit overwhelmed you would say. ha! But thankfully I am feeling pretty good right now emotionally. So I decided to start a gratitude journal and write down 10 things that bring me joy throughout the day. It's a great way to focus more on those things that make me happy than the puddle of pee I stepped into. I love in Uchtdorf's talk that I listen to titled "Grateful in Any Circumstances" he reminds us "All of His commandments are given to make blessings available to us. Commandments are opportunities to exercise our agency and to receive blessings. Our loving Heavenly Father knows that choosing to develop a spirit of gratitude will bring us true joy and great happiness. I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances--whatever they may be."

I am unable to change that my kids are making constant messes and that they fight and complain and whine and make moments in life not fun to be honest but I can't do anything about that really besides try to teach them the best I can but in the mean while I can either be miserable because lets me honest its not fun to be around kids that tell you how mean you are every day but there are plenty of moments in my life that I find joy and my kids do bring me so much joy in the midst of the chaos so I am hoping by trying to focus my thoughts on all the good things--and some days it will be hard to come up with 10 things because some days are really hard but I believe we can always find good in every day in little small moments. But the chaotic, stressful, overwhelming, frustrating times deserved to be documented too so bare with me if I sound like I am complaining sometimes its more just to know I made it through and look back and laugh at how things were! ;)