First off I am not writing this to complain and I hope it doesn't come off too much like that but I am writing this down more to remember this stage of life and that being a mom can be hard! I called and vented to my mom...multiple times now I think but more to just talk it out and try to get advice.
We have good times and hard times and I wouldn't say I am having a hard time right now (things have been much worse at times) but I am just mentally drained. I love spending my days with Corbin and Gavin and I would never change it...yes some days I say I would like a nice break from them but just a good hour to myself can be so rejuvenating (and sometimes a whole day sounds nice). And I did realize I have never spent a single night away from either of my kids. Yes Corbin turns 3 in May and I have never spent a night a way from him-the thought of it I don't like either...I guess I am pretty attached to my kids. (But I bet a lot of people can say the same)
Anyways so I think a lot of people can relate to this but I am having a hard time right now between the two of them because of their constant whining and just needing me. I like to feel needed but sometimes I just need a break. They are both at a fun stage right now and I love how they are both a little more independent in there own ways but at the end of the day I am just drained. And I know I am not alone, I know I can say most moms of young kids are...or older too most likely just in different ways.
Some days by dinner time I think they head is going to explode if I hear the word "why?" one more time! Its basically said after anything and everything. That is the frustrating part for me because I can't even answer it half the time then he gets frustrated that I don't/can't. I am glad Corbin is curious and is learning but sometimes I don't want to answer 'why?' anymore. I feel like some days everything said is in a questions form. Like I said he is getting more independent so he is definitely testing his boundaries and limits and thinks he can do whatever he wants now and doesn't have to listen to what I say. And dang it I have said "because I said so!" a few times now because sometimes I just can't answer why 5 more times.
Gavin is constantly into everything which really doesn't bother me that much but more of the feeling of not getting anything done or my house never looking clean when I spend a lot of time cleaning. He knows what he wants now and knows how to whine/cry for it....or try to fight for it from Corbin (The joys of siblings ha) And some days I just can't handle Gavin's constant pinching me or pulling my hair or attacking my face while feeding him anymore. It hurts!..
Last time i'll say this-I am not trying not to come off complaining about my kids and what they do that is annoying but maybe more so I can look back and laugh at myself because I know there are bigger problems ahead ;) I am actually kinda laughing at myself as I write this but its those little things that add up throughout the day that I figured out are just mentally draining.
I am pretty happy with where my life is at but sometimes I just have a hard time wishing I was a little more optimistic and not let those little things bother me and I wish I could be overall a little more happy and positive. I keep thinking I need to find a hobby or something to look forward to because all the mom chores of never ending cleaning, cooking, laundry but most days I feel like I can barely keep up on those things. Sounds familiar to anyone? I guess its hard knowing we can always be better but I just need motivation and strength to be better.
Well I am hoping this conference time can help me refocus my thoughts and priorities as I pray for answers to how to be a better mom, wife, and person. I will continue to "practice the music of the gospel" and hope to get much better but know it will come little by little! :)
Sure loves these little stinkers-thanks for teaching me a new level of patience and love! :)